What’s New? Life Update

Has it really been 10 months since I’ve done a post?! Man o man…sorry for those that might actually look for me to write but I don’t think there’s any. I’ve had someone through YouTube check on me at one point but not here. How many people take time to read blogs? Are they still popular? Perhaps the ones that are actually about something and share valuable information. But personal blogs…I don’t know. I’d love to make money on this and YouTube. But I feel like I just don’t have a very exciting life and who wants to hear me whine continuously?

A lot has gone on in the last few months. I had been working a job as a Pharmacy Technician in training. I started in September of last year. Well, in April of this year, I stopped working. My reason was due to overwhelming pain in my feet and knees. I was brought to tears and I couldn’t even make it through a 4-hour shift. There was a part of me that figured I’d qualify for unemployment compensation. My doctor even submitted a medical statement to the UIA…but alas nothing. Initial decision was a denial but for some reason it still has you certify every couple weeks so I have been. But nothing comes of it other than a big fat zero! Turns out probably wasn’t a great decision on my part. Lesson learned.

As a result of having no income, I could no longer afford the rent where I was. Thankfully, my sister and brother-in-law opened their home to me and are letting me stay rent free. I help with groceries because I do at least get food assistance from the state. I’ve only been here nearly two weeks. I’m doing okay but have a lot of anxiety. I’m now in a completely different part of the state that I am unfamiliar with. 100 miles southwest of where I was. I’m actually closer to Lake Michigan now so that’s a nice benefit. And I’m near the Indiana border. I live in an area they refer to as Michiana.

So…the pain…what is it? Well, I don’t have an answer yet. With the move, I had to find a doctor down here. I have an appointment at the end of the month. I did go to a walk-in clinic because it’s just been excruciating…She referred me to a Dermatologist. I have irritated skin blotches here and there. I have 3 swollen toes and two swollen fingers. I have knee pain and wrist pain and even shoulder pain on one side. I’m wondering if I have some kind of auto immune thing going on like psoriatic arthritis or something. The doctor I did see said she’d like to see me get auto immune testing done so I’m not sure if that’s what the plan is yet or not. I’ll know more after my appointment. Mornings are absolutely horrible. Its when everything hurts the most. Pain level is an easy 10! I’ve cried out several times. I just turned 50 in May and I feel much older.

I have anxiety and fears of all this pain. I need to try to focus on the present and not worry about the future. It’s hard though. I’m afraid I won’t find anyone because I’m so broken. Although I’ve really stopped thinking about finding someone right now. I’ve even stopped chatting with unknown people who will not video chat.

I need to focus on me and get my ducks in a row. I’m so grateful to have a roof over my head and food to eat. I just need to work on finding some sort of income because I have car insurance due at the end of the month. I have court ordered car payments to make. I guess you probably don’t know about that either. Just another debt I couldn’t afford after the divorce and I wasn’t able to get it discharged in a bankruptcy like my ex did with his truck. Still bitter on that a bit. But yeah I was court ordered to pay $200 a month – $50 a week. It worked fine when I was working because the credit union would automatically deduct the $50/week. But now…I have zilch! I just keep updating them with my status. It’s all I can do. A few weeks back I needed a new tire for my car but thankfully a FB friend sent me $80 via Venmo so that helped. My other friend found me a good deal on a used tire.

I’ve been applying to jobs I think I can do and I’ve been in touch with Michigan Rehab as well. They help disabled people find work they can handle doing and in some cases even pay for an education or training to do the work. So I may look into that. I’m thinking either Graphic Arts or Medical Transcription. I just need mostly sedentary work.

Ok…how about some joys. First, my oldest daughter just got married in April. And…SHE’S EXPECTING A BABY!!! She is due mid January 2022. I’m SO excited to be a grammy. The heartbeat was 169 at her first OB appointment a couple days ago. The other good news is regarding my younger daughter. On June 25, her girlfriend proposed! I attended my first drag show that night as her girlfriend performs in drag. And actually I should get things right. She wants to transition so goes by Blaze and prefers he/him. I fully accept their partnership and I’m SO happy for my daughter. She is so happy! I love them unconditionally! And Blaze has two little girls so I claim them as my grandkids. They’re cuties.

Oh and I had gained some weight back and got up to 289 lbs. I just weighed this morning and have lost five pounds in the two weeks I’ve been here. I’m more comfortable at my sisters than I was up north.

Now…just need answers and hopefully some relief with all the pain. Because, I tell ya…it’s awful!!

Peace ~ Love ~ Happiness

Dottie May ❤